WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Disaster struck at the White House on Tuesday night when Donald J. Trump fell into what appeared to be an irreversible coma during a screening of the upcoming film “Melania.” Trump was unresponsive seven minutes into the screening despite the First Lady’s attempts to rouse him by repeatedly swatting his right hand. “Be wake!” the increasingly irate Mrs. Trump shrieked. Speaking on condition of anonymity, one White House source said, “He looked like Pete Hegseth at the end of a workday.” Press secretary Karoline Leavitt later briefed reporters on Trump’s coma, asserting, “This will in no way affect his performance as president.” The Borowitz Report continues to publish thanks to the support of readers like you. © 2026 Andy Borowitz |